Should You Ask Out a Stranger?




You ride the subway every day and you can’t help but notice a really interesting girl riding all the time as well. Your mind swirls with excitement and possibilities about how amazing she could be. You want to approach and possibly ask her out, but HOW?


As someone who recovered from social anxiety many years ago, your nerves will usually sabotage any reasonable chance you have at making a good first impression. So do the following:


First, DO NOT make her out to be some angel who will make your dreams come true. Force your brain to see her as just another person. In fact, visualize something negative about her. Pretend she smells. I’m serious – you need to mentally take her off the pedestal your brain is placing her on! Don’t mentally give her the power to make or break your ego.


Second, DO NOT aim for the goal of asking her out. That’s putting too much pressure on the situation that you often can’t control. You have no idea what her situation is. The most charming men don’t get numbers every time. Aim for the goal of “meeting her.” That’s it. Learn a little about her. Find out her name, where’s she’s headed. That’s it. If anything else comes out of that, then bravo.



Third, DO NOT try a clever or witty line. Just be normal. Treat her like you would treat any normal person. That means, initiating with a normal comment. Try the following and thank me later:


1) Start with a normal or innocent question: “Hey I see you here all the time. Are you going to / coming from _____?”



2) She’ll either say yes or no, and then you can say “Well, I’m _____, I just thought I’d say Hi.” If she expands past saying ‘yes,’ then you may have a real conversation on your hands and you’ve already succeeded.



She’ll say ‘Hi’ back, and at this point, you’ll know if she wants to continue or not. If she is acting friendly, smiley, or even better, asks you a question, then obviously proceed with some other question or comment. If she’s acting short with you and not interested, than call it a day.


Go buy yourself something nice for accomplishing a real feat of bravery. Most people couldn’t even introduce themselves, so you should feel proud of yourself at this time, regardless of the outcome.


Stay social, my friends.










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